He Didn't Rape Anyone!

Every time I hear a story about some athlete being accused of rape I read a couple of stories, then make a decision on what happened. Like Kobe Bryant; I don't think he raped a hotel employee in his hotel room bed while rehabilitating his knee. Lawrence Philips, whatever they said about him, I believed. In fact, he may have raped me. There are so many others, and I've heard stories about certain fighters in Las Vegas. Those stories end up getting squashed, somehow. In fact, I'd bet A LOT of these stories do.

But the Ben Roethlisberger story did not get squashed, and has been pretty well documented. Based on what I've read, that piece of shit scumbag definitely did something bad to a college girl in a bathroom. Let us not forget this is like his 275th rape accusation. Okay, maybe not that many, but it's the THIRD one he has slipped past.

So now we hear today NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, a man who knows a thing or two about rape, having been born with a silver spoon rammed directly up his ass, has reduced Big Ben's 6 game sentence to 4. The reasons being:

"You have told me and the Steelers that you are committed to making better decisions," Goodell wrote Roethlisberger, according to the league statement. "Your actions over the past several months have been consistent with that promise and you must continue to honor that commitment."

No shit? You mean ever since he was accused of rape AGAIN he hasn't gone out and RAPED ANOTHER GIRL? Has he done some community service? Has he pet some children at the Special Olympics, or some shit? I mean, give me a fucking break, guy. The dude is a first class piece of shit!

And if this is not the most bogus setup scenario in ages then what is? What are the odds that fellow-uber-white-Republican Goodell did not tell Roethlisberger, "Listen, I'm giving you 6 games now, but if you just don't do anything stupid in the next few months, I'll reduce it to 4. We'll let this blow over, and then I'll cut your penalty as long as nothing else comes out of it. Deal?"

"Yeah, man, thanks. That's fucking great. I promise you if I do choose to rape anyone else I will do it at home, or I'll just rape prostitutes or something."

"Great. See you a in a few."

Dude's a rapist. Maybe not according to the rule of law, but pretty obviously when you follow the rules of obviousness.

For one second I want to give Ben a little leeway since he didn't actually get committed of the charpe of rape. Wait, actually, fuck that. Dude's a rapist piece of shit, and I expect nothing less from the son of a US Senator, who knows exactly what it means to be part of the White All Men's Club of America.

Fuck Ben Roethlisberger and Fuck Roger Goodell for being a spineless douchebag.

Well done, Ben, for having not raped anyone in MONTHS.

Greetings

When I was in college I don't think I washed my hands the entire time I was there, unless my parents were in town and we were out to dinner. That might be the one time I was reminded of another one of those things I'm supposed to be doing when they're around, like laundry...

The other day I was receiving change from someone so gnarly looking I started thinking to myself, "I better wash my hands after I get change from this clown..." Then the typical thing happened where he hands me my bills back first, then the receipt, plops the change down on top of the bills into the palm of my hand, making ABSOLUTELY SURE he doesn't touch MY SKIN!

Now maybe this guy was being really courteous, or could read my mind, and knew full well I really didn't want to pickup whatever microbe was crawling across his epidermis. Now that I think about it, maybe that IS IT! Maybe he was so nasty looking because he is at such a higher level mentally, with his ability to fucking read minds that simple hygiene is sooo pointless to him. I'm going to go with this in my mind so I can feel slightly better about myself, based on his thoughts of me.

Or maybe (this is all just coming to me now) he ended up becoming so nasty because for years he didn't take the time to actually lay the dollar bills across the palms of hands, followed by the receipt, and then the sprinkling of coins. Because of this he's now a mess, having picked up so many other nasty pieces of dirt from others along the way, leaving himself a literal mess?

As much as I want to imagine these scenarios to be true I'm going to just bet he doesn't have a lot of money, nor hot water.

So this guy doesn't want to touch me, or maybe he thinks the reverse, again. I highly doubt he was being thoughtful.

It got me thinking how much, if at all, I have suffered from the exchange of germs via money, or how often I've become sick at the "hands" of someone else. For some reason I tend to believe not at all, or very little.

The first time I ever took real notice of 'touching things which could get me sick' was my first radio job. The board operator who worked overnight was absolutely fucking disgusting. His hands moved along an invisible highway which traveled from his nose, to his balls, to his anus, and occasionally back to his nose, or mouth. Then they touched the control board. Sometimes he would even sneak his cat into the studio for company, which I didn't really mind since I love cats...but anyway. The only thing separating this guy from the convenience store slob was he had a nicer shirt, and he shaved. If I had to choose whose hands to drink water out of I'd go with...hmmm...I'd go with...dehydration --> death.

After Charlie, the board op, would leave I would take the rubbing alcohol and large cotton swabs used to clean the inside of the control board, and SCRUB THE PLACE DOWN. I had seen guys do this before, but not to this level. The alcohol was basically there for maintenance.

However, I didn't then believe I had to scrub my hands every time I touched someone, or anything, or if I had been in a department store, on an escalator, in an elevator, at the grocery store, a bar, and on and on and on. I still don't believe it today. I don't buy those alcohol-based vials of solution which I can use on the fly in case I have to practice emergency surgery on a random citizen. No, I don't do that. When people offer it to me, nose down, I usually decline. Don't feel I need it.

I just can't figure for the life of me where the germ culture came from. I'd bet it is from crazy-ass-psycho moms who don't want their children touching anything, but I have no idea. But the way, the fact that no clerk will EVER TOUCH YOU in a convenience or grocery store is absolutely shocking. They go out of their way to make sure your skins don't collide. It seems pretty nuts to me.

Digressing...from all of this eventually came the fist bump. Wait, actually the fist bump really came from boxing since the two fighters were wearing gloves and couldn't shake hands. I never realized it until I sparred one day with someone and we fist bumped. I remember thinking before he kicked my ass, "Oh, shit, that's where the fist bump started." Sports. No different than "my bad!" coming from Manute Bol. Sports.

Then the fist bump became mankind's preferred method of greeting each other because you no longer had to cross germs! Even when you're with your closest friends, real quick, fist bump. Ironically, the handshake still comes into play when you're introduced to strangers! You really can't fist bump a stranger unless, again, you're attending some sporting event, on or off a field/court. So when meeting someone through business, or just at a bar, not knowing what the person has done with his/her hands, you are FORCED to shake it, and if you've learned anything from your parents, SHAKE IT FIRMLY! This I never forgot. Oh, the horror!

Sidenote: I hate how tiny dudes have to try and rip your fucking arm off to make up for their lack of height. So annoying. It's like 9/10 dudes under 5'8" try to break a bone in your hand.

Now in defense of mankind, I can understand why you'd want to fist bump with me. For my hands travel a different highway, and quite often. If you know me well the only exit on that road is my balls. There's a lot of adjusting going on down there, and if things were different I wouldn't have to do it. But I do. I'm an "adjuster." The fist bump is probably a good thing to do with me. So you know, I'm a lefty adjuster, and a righty shaker, so there's safety in that.

Another thing about me is I'm a pre-piss washer, meaning I wash my hands on the way into the bathroom when I'm at a bar, and not eating. There's no reason for me to touch my dick after I've spent a day with all of you people touching me. Now I know this goes against the point I'm going to eventually get to, but there are some things I just don't want to fuck around with. I can handle touching people and then showering/washing, or just having you on my hands all day. But below the belt spots, nah. Not doing it. If I like you though; if I'm out with a few friends, having snacks, drinks, what not, I do the double-wash. In a crowded sports bar where I'm throwing down Yuenglings at the speed of sound, it's just one wash, maybe, and that's on the way in. Fist bump me.

Point being is, in the end the whole thing is just ridiculous. The germ thing. We're not going to die from the germs we're supposedly passing around. Having created this absurd germ culture society with our Purell's and what-nots, it's just one more thing which can drive us all crazy. I could go on. I won't.

Fist bump me if you want, but I hope you're not doing it because you're that fucking crazy you think whatever is on my hands, whether it be sweat, urine, saliva, dirt, who knows, is going to get you sick. It's really probably not going to, and the whole sanitizing of the planet is actually likely to cause more sickness anyway as our bodies are less able to fight off different germs.

Cheers.

Not editing.