You people, forcing this one. Ohio State football has kept me from writing, but there's just too much other stuff I need to get off my chest.
First bit of business, as of today, I'm part of the Ryan Vogelsong fan club. I still don't give two shits about the Giants, but after reading his story in the SF Chronicle today it's hard not to like the guy.
Speaking of the chronicle, I was in it last week for a moment. A "letter to editor", if you will. Seriously, I cannot stand Lance Armstrong. Yes, he had cancer, but I'll take a little cancer if the prize at the end is the ability to lie, cheat, and steal and yet be loved by all. Guy is a farce.
"Is he new?" This is what the person next to me said, a man, while watching the Giants/Reds game tonight. He was talking about Johnny Cueto.
Is. He. New.
What does that even mean? I could not even answer the question and be confident what I was saying was the answer he was looking for. Instead, I just looked over at him, and his table, rolled my eyes and sighed. Praying one of them said, "What's your problem?"
Well, being that you asked, "You're my problem, Giants fan. Yes, you." Guy who became Giants fan sometime around September of last year, and now intensly watches the last 2 innings of games as long as they're close when he tunes in.
Listen, I get it, people like to root for teams in the cities they live in, etc. etc. It makes sense. But San Francisco is different because most of the people rooting wouldn't know the difference between a baseball bat and a pogo stick. The ultimate fair-weather fans.
"Is he new?"
That's a question asked by someone who doesn't know ANYTHING about sports.
Are you asking if the Reds traded for him earlier in the day? Or if he's a rookie? Maybe you're wondering if they took him out of some packaging this morning after Fed Ex shipped him over from some Spanish speaking country?
Well no, he's not new. He's not "new" like you're new. He's been playing baseball in the major leagues for more total years than games you've watched prior to the Giants winning a championship.
In any other city I could understand people rooting for the home team. But in this city the uber-hipsters are so clueless about sports it pains me to see them in the sparkling new SF Giants hats.
And it pains my cousin as well, who the other night walked into Nickie's Bar and said, "If I walked in here on this day last year I'd have to ask them to turn the game on. Now there's a crowd of people watching on every TV! It makes me nauseous."
Ftr, he's a lifer, and it makes him sick as well.
"Did you hear what happened to Buster? What are we gonna do?!?"
Uhh, do what you did the first 30 years of your life. Not care.
Holy shit, Lebron, you are such a fucking pussy it pains me to even watch you play basketball.
You force me to drop F-Bombs. That's what you do.
There's 3 minutes to go in the game, you're down 5-6 pts. Your team is outscoring the opponent 21-4 in the paint in the second half. You get the ball on the left side, and Jason Kidd is guarding you. Recently, Kidd received mail from AARP, and you have him defending you one on one. There's no one under the basket, as it's basically a clear out. You back into him, he backs off of you, and you take a jump shot. Of course, you missed. I knew it was over.
Now let me remind you, douchebag, that you're 6'8", 245lbs, and can grab a quarter off the top of the backboard. He's older than me, and about as quick.
And you settled for a jumper? From 18 feet? With no rebounder? This after you guys are throwing down dunks and getting easy looks just by driving?
Yeah, you're an idiot. A clown of a player. You've been given more physical gifts than probably any player in the history of sports. What you've accomplished with them is embarrassing. You could still win a title as the second best guy on your team, maybe even the third when the pressure is on, but you're sort of a joke.
For all those people comparing him to Michael Jordan, just stop it. Please stop embarrassing Charles Barkley, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Clyde Drexler, and so many others. This guy is still a loser. Again, he may very well win the next 2 games, but this guy plays so soft they should remove the name "James" from the top of his Jersey, and add the word "Ply" under the number "6."
Maybe he wins a title and takes his game to another level, but it's hard for me to believe.
Put 28 year old Kobe Bryant on the Heat, add a primed Dan Majerle, Tom Chambers, or Scottie Pippen. Maybe even Anthony Mason! Take off Wade and James, and this series is already over. Over.
Jordan? Stop it. Yeah, Lebron's a physical freak, a regular season stat buster, etc. etc.
He doesn't know how to win basketball games, and doesn't have the balls to either.
Fuck you, Lebron James.
When I think about Newt Gingrich today all I can think about is this scene.
Alonzo in Training Day.
You think this guy is going quietly into the night? Wrong!
Here's my Newt prediction for 2011-12.
Obviously, he doesn't run for President. How can he? His own team has left him. It takes a lot of money to run, and he's not going to spend what he has, nor will he be able to solicit enough.
Maybe he stays in the race long enough to be part of a debate? Maybe.
Truth is though, this country has moved so far to the right since Newt's big moment that he's now a relative moderate! This guy calls out Paul Ryan's nonsense and the tea party is all over his ass! He helped begin the hard movement right, but unfortunately for many of us he was part of the group who pushed a glacier down the side of a mountain.
Now you can't stop it. Not even you, Newt.
You wanted the power, and you fucked us all to get it, but now they're out of control. To them you are nobody.
Republican politics is all about the moment, the now, never the future, never the past. You, my friend, are the past. They've moved on you.
But deep down in your wife-cheating soul you are pissed off. You're thinking, "I started this. I'm the piece up in this bitch." You're not going quietly, no way.
You will do what any good Republican would do, and you will fuck someone else so you can look good in the end.
What I mean by that is, you will either join those debates and take the now-sensical moderate approach, OR, you will join CNN as a commentator throughout the campaigns, and you will rip the shit out of these people. Why CNN? Well, CNN is in the South where you're from, and they're moderate. Putting you on there, crushing Republicans, is the perfect audience for you to get your pound of flesh.
Why? Because they forgot about you, and they will pay.
Thing is, Newt is probably more right these days than he has ever been in his entire political life. He left office, he recognizes the problems, he knows America needs a middle ground. He came back thinking he could deliver that, near-third party style. Nuh-uhh. Not these conservatives. You don't even recognize them anymore. You thought wrong.
But Newt still has clout because a lot more Americans know who he is than they do Paul Ryan, John Boehner, or any other Republican House member. And if he starts speaking as an outsider, as someone who was has been there, and remembers better times, Republican moderates are going to listen to him, and so will some blue-dog Democrats.
Newt Gingrich may not be President, or even run for President, but I'm telling you right now this guy is going to ram it up the assholes of every Tea Party Candidate.
He will help Obama win again.