The Star Alliance Sucks Again

Thankfully, the United-Continental merger is complete, and now the "new" United can shift fully into suck zone (which they seem to have done easily).

Here's my issue this time.

I fly from SFO-EWR on Thursday, and the plane United is using couldn't be older. It couldn't have fewer amenities. Instead of replacing the words "Continental" on the side with "United", they should have just wrote "Eastern." Because that's the level of plane they're using.

But fear not, CEO Jeff Smisek spoke to us passengers on the shared TV monitors which would probably have seemed modern by Elvis's standards. He let us know that a "whole new fleet" of planes will soon be part of United, but meantime, I'm sitting on this piece of shit for 6 hours. And, AND, I'll get to do it again on Monday. Yep, because rather than use the CONTINENTAL PLANES which were making those runs, equipped with DirecTV, and other amenities, they're using the oldest shitbox possible.

Don't think I didn't scour the website for a more modern aircraft, knowing full well this could happen (because it has before), because I did. Yep, all the planes they're running from New York City to San Francisco are old and shitty. First class? Someone paid for that? I sure hope not.

Yet before I got on my plane, which I was told "I think it has DirecTV", I volunteered to give up my seat because I was not in a rush. The employee at the desk said, "there's another flight leaving at 4:30, which is only 45 minutes from now."

"Fine. I'll do it." Another guy volunteered as well, which in turn helped a young family fly together, and got others on the plane who seemed sorta desperate.

After the flight takes off he tells me, "Ok, your flight gets in at 10:30..."

"Wait, what? You told me it's a 30 minute difference!"

"No. Oh, did I? Wait, uhh, what I meant is in the air it's a 30 minute difference. Your flight goes through Los Angeles."

"Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I thought i did."

"Ya didn't! Trust me!"

"I'm sorry, sir, what would you like me to do?"

I remain calm, and tell him to "get me on a flight to San Francisco, that has a television on it so I can watch the national championship." At this point I'm now landing at 10:30, missing the game. I stay on original flight, I see the game. I've got a lot riding on this game.

He gets me on flight at 5:30, which is best he can do. I show up at gate. Ask if "plane as DirecTV?"

"No, it doesn't. It's a United Airbus..." blah blah blah.

I go to customer service, explain the problem, and they say, "Well, there's a 6:30 flight which does has TV, and availability."

"Perfect. I'll take that."

Flight delayed 30 minutes. It's now 7pm.

Get on plane. No TVs. Wait, I'm wrong, because there's Jeff Smisek again telling me about how awesome their fleet is going to be on 14 inch tube monitor which hangs from the ceiling.

Where the HELL ARE THE CONTINENTAL PLANES THAT USED TO MAKE THIS TRIP?!?! This is the LONGEST FLIGHT WITHIN THE UNITED STATES, and THESE ARE THE PLANES YOU USE? WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm told earlier that "none of these planes are equipped with DirecTV", which is completely counter to what the website has to say, but then again, that was the still functioning Continental website. Then again, why should I expect that to be accurate, since after all, it's only the website I used to buy the ticket in the first place.

Missed the game, got in hours late, had a completely uncomfortable seat, with a huge guy next to me that was NO JOKE farting the entire time.

Good times.

Seriously, Virgin America, help me!!! I'm with you, baby, I'm with you!